My dear friends, today we are all gathered here to say farewell to someone who I loved dearly. She was the light of my life, my one true love.
I can still remember the first day my eyes were blessed with her beauty, how her shade of white made me fall instantly in love with her. It was love at first site, and it was a love that ended just as fast.
Never in my life have I encountered such perfection, never in my life have I encountered an entity that would spread itself so perfectly for me. It amazed me how her two halves became one, and they became one just for me.
Her form fit perfectly between my hands, and I could squeeze her gently. These squeezes were met with the positive sound of a slight crunch with a slight ooze of juice coming out of her. You see, she was perfect. She was not too young, and not too old. It was if some genius created this masterpiece just for me.
She was even a pleasure in my mouth. My tongue was blessed by her gentle touch, and allowing me to suck on her oozing juices and I gently bit into her fragile yet beautiful exterior. But sadly, I just couldn’t stop. I have become a ravenous monster and I just continued to bite into her beauty. I just began to swallow her down like a starving python and didn’t even savour her fantastic flavours. Our love for each other just ended like that; she was gone, no more, not even a crumb of her was left. She was completely wiped from existence.
This is how I lost the greatest love of m y life, and why we are here today. I just wanted to celebrate the existence and the memory of the greatest sandwich I have ever eaten.