"God made the snake taste like chocolate"

 

I often make fun of the religious nuts in the USA, but today I have decided to do something a little different and make fun of the religious nuts within my own country.

 

“God made the snakes taste like chocolate” said the pastor, or Prophet as he refers to himself. During one of the services of The End Times Church the Prophet pulled out a bag of live snakes and began to eat one of them. He then passed the snake along to the crowd that attended the service and they began to take bites out of the snake too. They also believed that God gave their Prophet the ability to make snakes taste like chocolate.

 

Now, I honestly wish that paragraph was some form of stupid satire I came up with, but it 100% real. Even the church’s name is real. This is one of those cases where the situation defies logic to such an extent that it seems unreal. Even at this very moment my head is hurting from trying to comprehend it.

 

Luckily, the so called prophet was arrested by the local SPCA for animal cruelty and he will be going to trial. Sadly, his followers believe that he is innocent since they believe that God made him do it to show God’s power.  I personally think they are just a bunch of uneducated crazy people. I hope the courts will think the same way.

 

Day by day, I am seeing proof that I must be some form of alien, because I just refuse to be associated with humans since they stupid shit like this, and they have even stupider people that will follow them due to it.

 

Anyways, that is enough stupid rambling from me.

 

Xander

 

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Comments (2)

  1. scarletts_letters

    As I’ve said to most of the people I know, you’re not alien, I feel the same way, like I don’t belong in the same species as these people. They actually frighten me and I’ve seen enough not to be scared easily.

    August 02, 2015
  2. mister-sandman

    Maybe Jesus hasn’t come back yet because of stupid shit like this. “Think maybe it’s time to go get our people, son?” God asks Jesus.
    “No, dad. Do you see what they’re doing? Eating snakes? Seriously? I say we let the Satanists in and forget all about the Christians. They’re a bunch of psychos.”

    August 02, 2015